Cathartic, Liberating, Humbling

After a long string of crappy events, something good finally happened. I got laid off.

I've never been laid off before, so it felt strange. After the initial numbness wears off, you feel the reality. Doubtless it's different for each person, but as for myself, I can sum it up in three words: cathartic, liberating, humbling.

In other words, what a relief. Finally an end to the interminable effort of trying to fulfill inscrutable goals based on ever shifting schedules. Trying to write impossible documents based on hilariously confected specifications. Even when things were going well, I felt alienated. It wasn't always like that. For the first nine years, things went well--my efforts were appreciated and rewarded. After that, I felt I was expected to do something that I wasn't doing, but I could never determine what. Even worse, I felt I was expected to be someone else, to care about things I didn't care about.

What do I mean? On one level it simply means being really enthusastic about meetings. Wow! Another scrum! When's the next one? Tomorrow? Great! On another level, it's a matter of passion for the product. Which I thought I had for computers generally, but I have ever more reservations. I worked on smart phone technology, but I seriously doubt their value. I mean the value of people constantly being connected wirelessly to vast amouts of data--I suspect that it makes life more complicated, not rich--more virtual, not real. And that we end up serving these devices rather than the other way around.

But, it's over. I had been looking already, but not very hard. I needed the push. Whee!